How different

So I got the new yesterday that the baby we were planning to adopt was born yesterday. How different our lives would have been if that adoption had gone through. Instead of planning what I would be bring to our friends house for dinner, I'd be rocking my son. Instead of wondering what the woofing of my friend's dog means, I'd be wondering if my son were hungry or dirty. (I think she just wants to chase squirrels, but I can't see any out the door so I'm not positive...) Of course instead of blogging about what might have been, I'd be blogging about what was actually happening.

I know that God has a better plan for us and that in His time we too will have our child, but I am still scratched by the rough of it.

This infant boy now belongs to another couple. A couple who live in California and have been waiting for their baby for 14 years. I can only imagine waiting 14 years. I cannot call him my own. I will never know what he looks like, nor how he smells right after a bath, nor kiss his precious head- but I will mourn the loss of him yet once again. I guess in some freaky way I thought maybe God would give him to us at the last minute. Oh well. Our time is coming.