New Found Joy

Something inside of me has changed. I've decided that allowing other people's choices to steal my daily joy has gone on long enough. Maybe too long.

My joyousness began yesterday when I really felt like I made a difference in a young man's day. You see he is one of my dearest students. He has carved out a place in my heart and he was by himself on the playground, shootin' hoops.

I was about to go inside and work, when I thought I would go and talk to him. I asked him if I could shoot hoops with him and he gave his normal shrug of the shoulders and grunting of "sure". So I shot a few basket and finally we began to chat about why he was playing all by himself. Apparently he had lost the privilege of playing kick ball. We talked about that and he said all the other kids would rather play kickball and he apparently was not happy about it. In a few minutes we went from just shootin' around to "playing" basketball. Shortly another young boy came to play against Mrs. Cook. Then two young girls came to join me and eventually almost the entire class was there playing a hard core game of basketball.

I can't help but think that if I had not taken the steps toward that basketball goal, his afternoon would not have been spent with a smile on his face- and maybe mine would have been gone too.

Then when I woke up today I just decided that I was not going to let the "world" get me down. I was going to be the person I wanted to be and not let anyone or anything tell me any differently.

I went to church. Worshiped. Was fed by the Spirit. That is when I realized that it had been slightly longer than 24 hours since I had felt down and out. Felt the pressures of the world. and even since I had any feeling of sorrow!

To be clear, nothing has changed at work. There is no job on the horizon. Our adoption is still off for now, but for the first time since March 5th I have joy where I used to have pain and sorrow.

God is so Good!

Lord Let me Be...

Lord, Let me be the woman you created me to be. Let me be the teacher I have committed to being. Let me be a barnicle that attached itself to you the ROck and solid foundation. Let my feet be sure. Let my words be truth. Let my heart be yours. Let my life be what you will. But Lord, mostly today, let me be rejuvinated in the Spirit. Let the meadows of my life bloom with flowers and rejuvinated life. Father I pray fo life today. Lord let me be alive in You today.

Wondering if I should allow myself to wonder...

This is going to be a pretty personal blog. If you don't want to read about lady cycles (really just the timing of them) then you may not want to continue...

So, since losing weight I've returned to having a lady cycle. At first it was once every 2 months and then it was once every 6 weeks and then finally in March I had my first 28 day cycle in almost 10 years. It was glorious to think that my body was being victorious. So, of course since Nick and I are still "trying" we counted the days and did the right stuff on the right days. You must also know that I've added a little bit of the weight back to my body- all the while figuring out that yes I am an emotional eater. Well, here it is 5 weeks later and I am wondering if I should even allow myself to wonder at the potential of this "lateness". Yes I realize that "lateness" can be due to many different things, and yes maybe it is just wishful thinking, but here is a piece of Truth for you to consider before weighing in - since I have so many readers/commenters out there... god made a promise to answer prayers and to give us the desires of our hearts. God can heal people and has in the past. God gave me a verse mantra for this year and I feel very strongly that this is my year. (I may be thinking Hallie time instead of God time, but that is not unusual...)

In April there was no hint of a cycle. Well, that is not 100% true. Once right before my mom's visit there was one time that I sat down to tinkle and a little spotting had occurred, but I would not consider that a monthly cycle. Not even close to it.

So what do I do? I guess I'll just sit around and wait. I guess if I start throwing up in the next few days or weeks I'll have my answer. right?