What I want vs what God has planned

Well it is sooo not a secret that I want to be a mother.  If this is news to you, then you must not have read many of my previous blogs or spoken to me ever....  Moving on.

We have been taking Clomid now for all of 2012.  We've done two dosing levels, had one pregnancy and subsequent pregnancy loss.  Now I was fulling expecting this to be easier.  Our trouble getting pregnant is that I don't ovulate regularly.  The clomid is supposed to fix this.  So why is it that we are not expecting a child yet?  Why has God not answered our prayer more favorably?

God has a plan.  His plan is truly the only plan that is worth anything at all.  God's plan is what is best.  His plan is the ultimate in good.  It is designed to bring us closer to Him, to deepen our faith in Him, and to make us more like Him.

I know that God plans for Nick and I to be parents one day.  What I don't know and what I am having more and more trouble waiting on, is when that will be.  I really feel like it is soon, but that may be more of what I want creeping into what I am interrupting God's plan to be.

So now we look at perspective.

What good can come from waiting?  Well I could look at this wait as a way for God to punish me.  I could look at it as a way for God to torture me and laugh at my tears and desires.  Or I can delve deep into the Word and find truth.  God does not make us wait for things to do any of us harm or to laugh in our tear stained faces.  No friends,  He makes us wait to teach us patience.  To humble us so that we can see that the world is much much bigger than we are.  He makes us wait so that we can grow in our relationship with him and so that we can be stronger in our faith and an example to others who need a faithful example in their lives.  the perspective takes time to come.  The further I am from the beginning of this journey the more clearly I can see the path.  For this I am thankful.

What good can come from finally getting pregnant only to lose the child so soon?  Well dear friends, it was hard to accept at first, but God gave us a child to ensure us that this is possible.  He gave us a child to confirm to us that we are on the right path.  Because at the time that those tests turned positive I truly felt it would never happen to me.  Why then did He plan for us to lose that child?  This is fairly simple and it all boils down to two things.  I have said for many years that I was not strong enough to make it through a miscarriage, but God has shown me that with Him I can not only make it through, but come out of it stronger than I ever thought I would be.  The second thing is that it simply was not our time yet.

God is good!  His plan is perfect!  So what is the point of this blog?  The point is that what I want isn't against (vs) what God has planned.  What I want IS God's Plan for my life and the perspective to see His hand through out the entire journey.