So I have been replaying all kinds of memories in my head starting with as early as I can remember. I have no boundaries here with forgiveness.
Several times people and events will just randomly pop into my head. But this morning I was awoken from a very vivid dream and knew right away this person needed to be at the top of my forgiveness list.
I won't get into the specifics of what I am forgiving this person for nor will I publicly name her, but I want to share my dream and my idea for reaching that goal of forgiveness.
Dream:
Nick and I were entering a Tuesday Morning store and one of my favorite tellers at Nick's work was the check out girl. We were shopping around and all of a sudden this former friend of mine walks by and says hello. I politely respond with hello and continue walking. She turns around and begins to ask me questions regarding some of the things I had planned in my previous employment. I answered, but found myself giving very abrupt answers and trying to hold back my responses. I could feel myself getting frustrated. Eventually i just turned around and screamed at her "QUIT TALKING TO ME" The look on her face was first startled, as she has never heard me fight with someone let along yell at them. then almost as quickly she yelled back "I was just asking you a question" my response was simply "Well I don't want to answer questions for you" "Why not" "Why are you asking me anyway?" "because you are the one who came up with the ideas" "Why are they good enough now, but when I was still there you said if I were going to be there the next year you were leaving?" (all of that was still screaming at each other.) This is when I woke up and realized that I still held some pretty serious feelings against this former friend.
My plan for forgiveness:
Every time I hear the word forgiveness or think the word or think of this person (which seems like a lot lately) I say every good thing that I can think of about that person and then I make sure to pray for them also.
So now my biggest question is what does forgiveness look like. If I look only at Christ's example, which is my initial thought, I would fully embrace these people if they ever came back into my life. although there are people who it not be wise to allow full access to my life again. my second thought is for that reasoning- that while I harbor no ill wishes for them and do not allow them to effect my thoughts, feelings and actions, I allow a buffer between the two of us.
What does true Christian forgiveness look like? How is it achieved? Is it necessary to relive those painful memories and search through the muck to find a foothold for forgiveness, or can it simply be done by speaking the truth of forgiveness into that situation?
Father- as I seek to grow deeper into fellowship with you, and as I seek to be more like you- offering true forgiveness to those who have hurt and harmed me- I pray that you be with me and bless the efforts I am putting toward this. You have placed my feet upon this journey of forgiveness for a purpose. I believe it is more than simply to feel free, it is deeper than a feeling. You have challenged me to grow in this area and to develop an understanding of forgiveness, so that ultimately I will forgive myself in some pretty big ways. You are calling me to a deeper relationship with you and in order for that to happen these are the steps I have to take. Be with me as I step towards you in this. Help me to knock down barriers and continue to bring people and situations to my heart so that every wall is torn down. Put people in my path and give me opportunities to speak forgiveness to people and ask for forgiveness from them if need be. Humble my heart so that I can recognize when I am the barrier that needs broken down. As always, I am your servant. Lead the way and I will follow. In Jesus's Precious and Holy Name I pray. Amen!
No comments:
Post a Comment