A New Step

Well, It has been a while since i have posted anything... I guess I've been busy, or maybe I've had too much on my mind to actually post anything.  Who knows.  Here I am though.

Nick and I, as many of you know, have been wanting to start our family for many years.  As of yesterday, we are going to take Clomid to try to conceive.  This has always been on the table, but for so long neither of us felt like God was leading us in that direction.  Times have changed though and now we feel that God has shifted that plate in front of us and said, "Eat".

So we ask for this from our prayer warrior friends:  We ask that you pray for us, along side of us, that this will work for us.  It has a very good reputation for success, but may not work.  We also ask that you pray that God will bless us with assurance and confidence in His plan for us.

My journey through Leviticus

So as I am continue to read Leviticus, I am wondering what would it have been like to be there on that first day when all the offerings had been given at the Tent of Meeting and out of no where fire comes down from the sky and consumes the offering? All of this comes from Leviticus 7-9, mostly 9.

The scripture tells us that the people shouted and fall on their faces. Here you are observing the first offering in this awesome place and the glory of the Lord shows up- better than awesome! and then as if that isn't enough fire comes out from before the Lord and consumes these offerings that had just been made on your behalf.

I'm wondering what was in the minds of those people. I'd love to hear the stories they have to tell. I would imagine some would say 'I was doing my daily routine and Moses called out to us. So I put down what I was doing and was one of the first to arrive. Then Aaron and his sons start throwing blood on me. My wife is not going to like getting the blood stains out of this tunic! and then after the blood, Aaron blesses us. Then this wonderful, peaceful feeling came over me as I knew that something awesome was happening. A cloud descended from the sky and the presence of the Lord was felt by all who were around. Then suddenly seemingly out of no where fire comes down and captures the offerings. I am awestruck and the only thing I can do is shout praises to the Lord and fall to my knees with my face to the ground. This is a day I will remember for all time!'

Try to find a moment today to be so amazed by what God has done that the only thing you can do is shout praises to the Lord and fall face down onto your knees. He is good in all things.

Leviticus 1-3

*Note- Yesterday when I originally posted this, I had posted it as Numbers 1-3... But I really was in Leviticus. Enjoy!

I am reading Leviticus right now. I'm not sure why Leviticus, but that is where I am. This morning I read the first three chapters. To sum it all up, it is about what you are giving to the Lord. It is very redundant- which says to me there must be something in this. Bring your first fruits- bring your best. No matter what you bring, in this case as an offering- grain, animal, fruit, honey, bread- make sure it is your best. Sure there are guidelines, such as this one found in 2:12 AMP "As an offering of firstfruits you may offer leaven and honey to the Lord, but they shall not be burned on the altar for a sweet odor [to the Lord, for their aid to fermentation is symbolic of corruption in the human heart]."

Fermentation is symbolic of corruption in the human heart... WOW. So now I'm asking myself, 'what is fermenting in my offering to the Lord?'

Unfortunately, I've come up with a ton of stuff. Until you really ask that question and mean it- you've got to mean it- you go around thinking 'I'm okay. I don't hurt anybody with my tv watching. The shows that I choose I wouldn't let my kids watch, but they are fine for me. The books I read aren't influencing my life any. That friend is so much fun! Why would that person be bad for me? I don't need to take care of this body. One day I'll live in Heaven and this body won't matter then.'

I'm feeling convicted here. If our lives are meant to be an offering to God, and our offerings are to be of the first fruits- the best of what we have to give- How can I rationalize away those first fruits. That makes me no better than Cain who eventually killed Abel because of his jealousy of God's favor.

I know the first thing I am going to work on is taking better care of this body. Last year I lost nearly 45 lbs and as I sit here typing a year after beginning that diet, I am right back to where I was. I have let a worldy injustice rob me of my health and of my first fruit offering to God. If you are reading this and see me with something not so good for me and it is not one of my three cheat meals in the week (One each day- Friday-Dinner, Saturday- Dinner, & Sunday- Lunch) I give you permission to remind me of my first fruits and ask me if I am giving my best to my Lord.

What areas of your life are you letting ferment and corrupt your heart? What do you need to lay at the feet of Jesus and say:

"Lord, You have power of this area in my life. I have been letting things of this world, desires of my flesh, and selfishness keep me from giving You the best of what I have to offer. Walk along side me, Lord, and help me when I am weak. Take away this sin and replace it with good and righteous habits. Make my heart renewed with a desire to serve You and offer You my best. For it is only my best that pleases You, only my best that You deserve. In Jesus' name, Amen!"

Rant

So Feelings. I know nobody wants to breech this subject. However I would like to address something that I think has fallen away from some people's priority list.

There is always validity in the way someone feels. You may not understand it. It may not be logical, but if someone feels a certain way it is not only rude- but hurtful- to belittle their feelings. If you love someone you would never belittle them purposefully.

If someone says they felt sad because they had lost someone they loved- no one in the world would tell them they shouldn't feel that way or make their feelings sound irrelevant or dumb. So why would we do that with something that isn't so understandable.

Our perspective on situations or events in our lives are our own. No one else comes to the party with the same experiences, thoughts, ideas, or history- therefore the perspective is understandably different. For this reason and this reason alone, you can not possibly fully understand why a person feels the way they do about something.

Just because you do not understand or feel the same way does not mean that there is no validity in them.

So now you may be asking in what ways can I show validity to someone's feelings, while at the same time not agreeing with them. Well, I can't pretend to have all the answers, but one way is to not interrupt them and correct/criticize their vocabulary. You can wait until they have finished speaking and then try to clarify their feelings by restating using a different description that may be more clear to you. You might try asking questions to try to get a handle on the perspective they are expressing.

I don't have all the answers, but I can say this. When you belittle someone's feelings it is a personal attack on their heart- whether you intend for it to be or not. You may not understand it, you may not feel the same way about it- but you have no right to tell someone they shouldn't feel a certain way about something that happened to them.

Are you wondering now if you have ever been the person to make someone feel belittled about their feelings? What might you do about it? How can you repair the relationship you may have and more than likely have damaged (even if just a little bit)? I would start by doing what you could have done in the first place- show that you understand that while your perspective may be different you see validity in the way a person feels. If that doesn't work- which I'd be surprised if it didn't at least take the first step in the right direction- you could apologize for not understanding before and just in case it hurt them let them know that you hope they can forgive you because you value them and their role in your life.

What if I am in the habit of not valuing a loved ones feelings and it goes beyond just once or twice and my apology doesn't seem to be enough? Ask them what you can do to show that you are genuine. Do your best to live up to their expectations of an apology- remembering that only they can speak to their perspective and what will help them feel reassured.

random thoughts I guess

So, I'm thinking that I need some soul time. Some time to sit and reflect, to listen, to question, and to come away a renewed and new person. I'm feeling brought down and consumed by so many things- so many trivial things- that I have all but omitted a very important part of my life.

So what am I going to do about this? I'm going to leave on the train tomorrow and spend some time with my family. Then when I get back I am going to find a way to get rid of the crap that is clouding my life. Also I am going to try to get a job for the fall.

On that note, I must say I am feeling a little bit like having my own day care out of my home. I don't know how to begin, what requirements I would have to meet, or what it would look like, but I would love to be able to work from home. One thing I have noticed is that when I am home with no one else around I want to sit and do nothing all day- but when there are kids around, I feel like I can't sit and must do something. The dishes get done daily, the floors get swept frequently- things just run more smoothly when I am distracted by someone else being in the house. (I think this is good news for when we do have kids!)

Like I said Random thoughts....

How different

So I got the new yesterday that the baby we were planning to adopt was born yesterday. How different our lives would have been if that adoption had gone through. Instead of planning what I would be bring to our friends house for dinner, I'd be rocking my son. Instead of wondering what the woofing of my friend's dog means, I'd be wondering if my son were hungry or dirty. (I think she just wants to chase squirrels, but I can't see any out the door so I'm not positive...) Of course instead of blogging about what might have been, I'd be blogging about what was actually happening.

I know that God has a better plan for us and that in His time we too will have our child, but I am still scratched by the rough of it.

This infant boy now belongs to another couple. A couple who live in California and have been waiting for their baby for 14 years. I can only imagine waiting 14 years. I cannot call him my own. I will never know what he looks like, nor how he smells right after a bath, nor kiss his precious head- but I will mourn the loss of him yet once again. I guess in some freaky way I thought maybe God would give him to us at the last minute. Oh well. Our time is coming.

Knowing your Enemy

So, when any good defender goes into the game he has spent countless hours preparing their game plan. He knows his opponents' weaknesses and strengths as well as his own. He has prepared a game plan to accentuate the weaknesses of the opponent and his own strengths.

So, you may ask, what is my point. Well, we have an enemy walking among us. Working alongside us, eating at the same places we eat, and also living in our own houses. Our enemy has been around LONG before we were in existence. He was an enemy of all of our relatives and goes all the way back to creation.

Our enemy is Satan. There are many names for him, but Satan is perhaps the most universally used name for our enemy. So, my question for anyone reading this is this...

Are you ready to stand against him?

God calls us to stand firm in the faith against this enemy. He does not ask us to defend against him. He doesn't call us to fight Satan, but simply to stand and let God fight the battle for us.

But, in order to stand, you must know where this enemy shows himself in your life. You must be prepared to fight, knowing that you are really preparing yourself to stand up tall, to maneuver through this world different from those who have not chosen to believe.

Where is Satan moving his sneaky hand in your life? Who/what is he using as a temptation to get a hold on you? What have you let slip in your life? What truth are you questioning because of Satan.

For me, Satan is using this situation with my job and the lack of understanding His plan, the fear I have of the near future, and the sadness I feel as a result of these things to inch his way into my daily life. Satan has also used my desire to be a mother and the pain associated with not achieving that goal to chip away at my faith.

How does that help me? Well, I now know that this is Satan trying to pry me out of my Father's arms. I can prepare myself to stand against this tactic and strengthen my faith.

What areas of weakness in your life is Satan trying to get at? What are you going to do about that? Are you going to stand and stop allowing him to slide in? or Are you going to let Satan pull you one step at a time off of he Path God has led you to? Satan will never throw you off a ledge to get to Hell. He will escort you one step at a time.

I leave you with this.

"Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

"And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints...." Ephesians 6:10-18

Stand firm Brothers and Sisters of Christ!

Father, We call upon you to create in us an awareness of the places Satan was found as our weakness. We ask that you will hold us up when we are weak and fill us with your TRUTH so that we can stand with you against this enemy and remain strong. Help us to dress each day with your armor and to prepare ourselves for this battle we face each day. It is only through your Son, Jesus that we can come to you. Amen!