Rant

So Feelings. I know nobody wants to breech this subject. However I would like to address something that I think has fallen away from some people's priority list.

There is always validity in the way someone feels. You may not understand it. It may not be logical, but if someone feels a certain way it is not only rude- but hurtful- to belittle their feelings. If you love someone you would never belittle them purposefully.

If someone says they felt sad because they had lost someone they loved- no one in the world would tell them they shouldn't feel that way or make their feelings sound irrelevant or dumb. So why would we do that with something that isn't so understandable.

Our perspective on situations or events in our lives are our own. No one else comes to the party with the same experiences, thoughts, ideas, or history- therefore the perspective is understandably different. For this reason and this reason alone, you can not possibly fully understand why a person feels the way they do about something.

Just because you do not understand or feel the same way does not mean that there is no validity in them.

So now you may be asking in what ways can I show validity to someone's feelings, while at the same time not agreeing with them. Well, I can't pretend to have all the answers, but one way is to not interrupt them and correct/criticize their vocabulary. You can wait until they have finished speaking and then try to clarify their feelings by restating using a different description that may be more clear to you. You might try asking questions to try to get a handle on the perspective they are expressing.

I don't have all the answers, but I can say this. When you belittle someone's feelings it is a personal attack on their heart- whether you intend for it to be or not. You may not understand it, you may not feel the same way about it- but you have no right to tell someone they shouldn't feel a certain way about something that happened to them.

Are you wondering now if you have ever been the person to make someone feel belittled about their feelings? What might you do about it? How can you repair the relationship you may have and more than likely have damaged (even if just a little bit)? I would start by doing what you could have done in the first place- show that you understand that while your perspective may be different you see validity in the way a person feels. If that doesn't work- which I'd be surprised if it didn't at least take the first step in the right direction- you could apologize for not understanding before and just in case it hurt them let them know that you hope they can forgive you because you value them and their role in your life.

What if I am in the habit of not valuing a loved ones feelings and it goes beyond just once or twice and my apology doesn't seem to be enough? Ask them what you can do to show that you are genuine. Do your best to live up to their expectations of an apology- remembering that only they can speak to their perspective and what will help them feel reassured.