Mother's Day

I just want to put this disclaimer out there before I continue my post.  I am not feeling sorry for myself, and I don't want anyone's pity and this is not meant to be a guilt trip!

For Mother's Day, I want a child of my own to hold and love.  If this is something you value, something you want for me, something you want for yourself, or something you think I would be good at then I ask you to consider putting your money where your mouth or maybe in this case where your heart is.

As you know about a year and a half ago I began selling Tastefully Simple products to help fund the fertility treatments and expenses that go along with it.  I have had many dear friends and family that have gone out of their way to help with this, made purchases that they wouldn't normally make, to support this life long dream of ours.  But I know there are some of you out there, possibly reading this and others who aren't, that have never even asked what the company is about or come to one of my open houses or parties.  

To give you a little idea about what the price tag has been and could be for us I will post a few prices and how much product I would need to sell to have the money to pay for it.

• Ovulation kits (21 tests- taken daily until a positive result is received)- $50 usually monthly = $175.00 products sold each month
• Clomid (taken monthly 5 days each month) with my ins, ranged from $15-$60 monthly = $50-200 products sold each month
• Femara- taken monthly 5 days each month with my insurance- $7.00 =$20.00 products sold each month
• Sonogram and HCG injection done in conjunction with one of the two above drugs monthly insurance covers $0.00 - $319 = $1070.00 products sold each month
• IVF ranges from $3000 (clinical trial we are aware of) to $15,000 = $10,000 - $50,000 total products sold.
• Adoption $20,000 through the agengy we have looked into and feel comfortable with = $70,000 total products sold

I am not trying to guilt any of you into supporting my business, however I do ask that you take a look at my website www.tastefullysimple.com/web/hcook and see if there are products that you could use in your kitchen or a gift for a wedding, teacher appreciation, pastor appreciation, new neighbor, thank you, etc.  Or consider having a party of your own.  Consider recommending my website to a friend of yours or a co-worker.  

The best thing you can do to support Nick and I is to Pray for us that the funding will be there when we need it.  The second best thing you can do is support my little business in some way.  Whatever way is best for you and your family.  Thanks for listening or in this case reading.

Love and peace to all of you!

Here is to moving on to the next step...

When I was little I used to know of people and maybe even myself, who referred to people as 'test tube babies'.  This wasn't meant to be a good thing.  Now as we are on this journey and the end result may be invitro fertilization  I keep thinking about that comment and how I wish I could go back to those days and slap younger me and the younger version of those kids!  If you really think about it, a test tube baby is ultimately the purest kind of love.  Two people who wanted to create a life naturally, but their bodies wouldn't cooperate, so they sought the help of a little science and a test tube to begin a life.

No this isn't the next chapter in our infertility journey, but I see it in the not to distant future.  What we are going to do is- try a new medication to induce ovulation, add metformin to my list of pills, start a low carb diet and possibly a little jogging (don't make me tell you my times- I can't promise this will happen anytime soon), get a monthly follicle scan, and a quick injection of HCG to force the mature follicle to ovulate at an appropriate time.

We try this for three ovulatory months and then if that doesn't work, then we travel to Austin for a consultation with a specialist.  Then it is BIG decision time!  So that's it.  the next step.  pray for us.  pray for me.  pray for nick.  we need lots of prayer.

Hey guys! Come see the first in my 11 part series of blogs!

http://tastefullyhallie.blogspot.com/2013/01/tastefully-simple-tonight-taco-terrific.html

Follow the Link above to view the first in a series of 11 blogs!  It'll be delicious!

2012 Reflections

Well, 2012 has been full of surprises and memories made!

As I look back at the year, I wanted to pick out three of the most amazing things during the year to be truly grateful for to share with you all.  So here it goes- Spiritual Growth, Pure Joy, Clarity.

I know most of you probably thought I would have exact memories to share, but the things I am most thankful for in 2012 encompass several different memories all into one life lesson.

Spiritual growth-
During 2012 Nick and I had the privilege of being on a church plant team, with the intention of working over the years to build a strong, spirit led community of believers in Robinson, TX.  Over the course of this journey, our launch team began a weekly intentional prayer group.  We started out simply praying for growth in our services, and for the people of Robinson, but it turned into a very powerful time of spiritual growth for all involved.  God came and taught us to go deeper with Him through prayer and was faithful to allow us to feel His presence in tangible ways each week.  For this time, for this experience, for this growth I am so thankful!

Pure Joy-
In case some of you out there haven't read all the other posts in my blog, Nick and I have been on an infertility journey for many years.  In 2012, we began clomid treatments.  We found out in March that we were finally pregnant.  The joy that I felt during the few weeks of knowing I was pregnant, before the miscarriage, was such a blessing.  Every opportunity that presented itself, I was giving thanks to God for this miracle.  Each day at least once, Nick would talk to our Bumblebee and pray for her growth.  In those moments, God gave me a glimpse into something truly unique and special.  Unspeakable, Indescribable Pure Joy.  Joy with no conditions.  Joy that overflows into every area of your life.  Joy that people can see on your face.  The kind of Joy that I imagine the woman at the well felt as she came face to face with the Living Water. The joy that Mary felt as she peered into the face of our infant Savior.  The joy that Hannah, Sarah, and Rebecca felt when they too found out they were with child under miraculous and impossible situations.  The joy that comes from answered prayers  Even the memory of the Joy I felt at this time in my life brings a smile to my face.  For this Joy I am grateful.

Clarity-
This is a hard one.  There are so many areas of my life where clarity and perspective have been so twisted by my desires, that there could be no real discernment.  In 2012, the clarity came in a resounding, "His Plan is far better than any I can come up with myself."  It would seem that in all areas of my life this past year when I thought I had it all figured/planned out, He would step in and in some way or another tell me that He is in control and not me.  Thank God that you and I don't have to take on the responsibility of planning everything out.  Thank God that He has a plan for your life and that it will far out weigh anything you could ever dream up!

So, in 2013 I plan not only to continue the journey He has set in front of me, but I intend to be intentional about being thankful for life's lessons.  ENJOY your new year!  Make a difference in someone else's life!  Dig deep into your relationship with others and with God.  Be blessed! ( follow my blog!- hehehe)

What I want vs what God has planned

Well it is sooo not a secret that I want to be a mother.  If this is news to you, then you must not have read many of my previous blogs or spoken to me ever....  Moving on.

We have been taking Clomid now for all of 2012.  We've done two dosing levels, had one pregnancy and subsequent pregnancy loss.  Now I was fulling expecting this to be easier.  Our trouble getting pregnant is that I don't ovulate regularly.  The clomid is supposed to fix this.  So why is it that we are not expecting a child yet?  Why has God not answered our prayer more favorably?

God has a plan.  His plan is truly the only plan that is worth anything at all.  God's plan is what is best.  His plan is the ultimate in good.  It is designed to bring us closer to Him, to deepen our faith in Him, and to make us more like Him.

I know that God plans for Nick and I to be parents one day.  What I don't know and what I am having more and more trouble waiting on, is when that will be.  I really feel like it is soon, but that may be more of what I want creeping into what I am interrupting God's plan to be.

So now we look at perspective.

What good can come from waiting?  Well I could look at this wait as a way for God to punish me.  I could look at it as a way for God to torture me and laugh at my tears and desires.  Or I can delve deep into the Word and find truth.  God does not make us wait for things to do any of us harm or to laugh in our tear stained faces.  No friends,  He makes us wait to teach us patience.  To humble us so that we can see that the world is much much bigger than we are.  He makes us wait so that we can grow in our relationship with him and so that we can be stronger in our faith and an example to others who need a faithful example in their lives.  the perspective takes time to come.  The further I am from the beginning of this journey the more clearly I can see the path.  For this I am thankful.

What good can come from finally getting pregnant only to lose the child so soon?  Well dear friends, it was hard to accept at first, but God gave us a child to ensure us that this is possible.  He gave us a child to confirm to us that we are on the right path.  Because at the time that those tests turned positive I truly felt it would never happen to me.  Why then did He plan for us to lose that child?  This is fairly simple and it all boils down to two things.  I have said for many years that I was not strong enough to make it through a miscarriage, but God has shown me that with Him I can not only make it through, but come out of it stronger than I ever thought I would be.  The second thing is that it simply was not our time yet.

God is good!  His plan is perfect!  So what is the point of this blog?  The point is that what I want isn't against (vs) what God has planned.  What I want IS God's Plan for my life and the perspective to see His hand through out the entire journey.

Faith

I believe that I need my friends to break through the ceiling of a strangers house and lower my mat before the feet of our Lord, because I am weary and broken.

That's all.  Thanks.

Forgiveness

So lately forgiveness has been weighing heavy on my heart.

So I have been replaying all kinds of memories in my head starting with as early as I can remember.  I have no boundaries here with forgiveness.  

Several times people and events will just randomly pop into my head.  But this morning I was awoken from a  very vivid dream and knew right away this person needed to be at the top of my forgiveness list.  

I won't get into the  specifics of what I am forgiving this person for nor will I publicly name her, but I want to share my dream and my idea for reaching that goal of forgiveness.

Dream:

Nick and I were entering a Tuesday Morning store and one of my favorite tellers at Nick's work was the check out girl.  We were shopping around and all of a sudden this former friend of mine walks by and says hello.  I politely respond with hello and continue walking.  She turns around and begins to ask me questions regarding some of the things I had planned in my previous employment.  I answered, but found myself giving very abrupt answers and trying to hold back my responses.  I could feel myself getting frustrated. Eventually i just turned around and screamed at her "QUIT TALKING TO ME" The look on her face was first startled, as she has never heard me fight with someone let along yell at them. then almost as quickly she yelled back "I was just asking you a question"  my response was simply "Well I don't want to answer questions for you" "Why not" "Why are you asking me anyway?" "because you are the one who came up with the ideas" "Why are they good enough now, but when I was still there you said if I were going to be there the next year you were leaving?"  (all of that was still screaming at each other.)  This is when I woke up and realized that I still held some pretty serious feelings against this former friend.

My plan for forgiveness:

Every time I hear the word forgiveness or think the word or think of this person (which seems like a lot lately)   I say every good thing that I can think of about that person and then I make sure to pray for them also.

So now my biggest question is what does forgiveness look like.  If I look only at Christ's example, which is my initial thought, I would fully embrace these people if they ever came back into my life.  although there are people who it not be wise to allow full access to my life again.  my second thought is for that reasoning- that while I harbor no ill wishes for them and do not allow them to effect my thoughts, feelings and actions, I allow a buffer between the two of us.  

What does true Christian forgiveness look like?  How is it achieved?  Is it necessary to relive those painful memories and search through the muck to find a foothold for forgiveness, or can it simply be done by speaking the truth of forgiveness into that situation?  

Father- as I seek to grow deeper into fellowship with you, and as I seek to be more like you- offering true forgiveness to those who have hurt and harmed me- I pray that you be with me and bless the efforts I am putting toward this.  You have placed my feet upon this journey of forgiveness for a purpose.  I believe it is more than simply to feel free, it is deeper than a feeling.  You have challenged me to grow in this area and to develop an understanding of forgiveness, so that ultimately I will forgive myself in some pretty big ways.  You are calling me to a deeper relationship with you and in order for that to happen these are the steps I have to take.  Be with me as I step towards you in this.  Help me to knock down barriers and continue to bring people and situations to my heart so that every wall is torn down.  Put people in my path and give me opportunities to speak forgiveness to people and ask for forgiveness from them if need be.  Humble my heart so that I can recognize when I am the barrier that needs broken down.  As always, I am your servant.  Lead the way and I will follow.  In Jesus's Precious and Holy Name I pray. Amen!